i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
