Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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