i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
