considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
