Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
