my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
