You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
