Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
