the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
