i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
