he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
