She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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