I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
