Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
