walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
