the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
