Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
