Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
