Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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