Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
