im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
