No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Duck Duck Cougar?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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