Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
