He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
