And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Pooping to opera.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
