I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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