Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
