I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
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