Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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