You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
