Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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