just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
