He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Randomize
