Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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