Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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