now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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