Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
