just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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