i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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