Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
