Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
