We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
