apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
