Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
