I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
