Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
