3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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