if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
