Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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