Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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