I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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