So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You ruined the universe
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
