I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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